It is not uncommon to hear people refer to drugs and/or alcohol causing domestic violence. This however is flawed logic. Neither drugs nor alcohol are the causes of domestic abuse. They however are an excuse, or given in an attempt to explain away behaviour. These should not be accepted as reasons as millions of people are able to retain control when they are intoxicated. Common excuses that are given by a domestic abuser are:
It is often easier to accept these reasons then to question them because of shame, fear or plain embarrassment. However these reasons are given in an attempt to minimise the abuser’s behaviour. If you are in a long term relationship and your partner has become addicted to either drugs or alcohol, it is easy to remember what your partner was like before their addiction. It is therefore easier to believe their explanations. However you have to remember that your partner suffers from an addiction. An addiction cannot be easily solved or forgotten. Whilst your partner may be full of promises to change, is he actually going to change? Have you heard these promises in the past?
It should be noted that alcohol acts as a disinhibitor and can lead a perpetrator into actions that he may not do when sober. For example, an intended slap to a partner could become a punch when under the influence of alcohol. Furthermore when under the influence of alcohol it is harder for the abuser to judge the strength of a slap/punch/kick and therefore they often tend to be stronger. This places the women at extreme danger. If you find yourself in a potentially abusive situation with an abuser under the influence of drugs or alcohol, activate your Safety Plan. If you don’t have a Safety Plan – make one now!
If you are in an abusive relationship that involves drugs and / or alcohol, take a look at the Cycle of Abuse and see if you can see where your partner’s addiction fit in.
It is not uncommon for an abuser to turn things around and blame all of his problems (including drugs and alcohol) on the victim. Phrases such as “I drink so I can cope with your nagging” are not uncommon. This strategy is adopted by the abuser as a way of completely absolving himself from all responsibility. Not only does this make the abuser feel that in some way his behaviour is justified, but he places the blame on a woman who will be suffering from low self – esteem (as a result of the abuse.) It is important to remember that if a person drinks or takes drugs – it is entirely their choice. If a person chooses to blame someone else for their addiction then they are hiding away from the truth. Invariably the addiction runs much more deeper then mild partner conflict, but the abuser is not willing / able to acknowledge this. Most importantly, it is not the fault of the victim of the abuse. Substance abuse can only have a negative effect on any relationship; this is magnified if the relationship becomes abusive.