In reality it is hard to answer this question and it can often depend on external factors such as number of other siblings, type of accommodation and level of education. What is clear however is that not all children react in the same way. Below is a table of different behavioural problems. Some children may display no, or only mild behavioural problems and some children may act out in a more severe way. The behaviours listed below are by no means exhaustive and the type of behaviour displayed will often depend on the child’s age.
| Children aged 0-2 years | Children aged 2-5 years |
| Easily Scared | Easily Scared |
| Excessive Crying | Excessive Crying |
| Broken Sleep Pattern | Bed Wetting |
| Slower Development | Excessive Acting Out |
| Attention Seeking | Failure to express emotions |
| Loss of Appetite | Self Harm |
| Fearful of Men | Fearful of Men |
| Overtly Aggressive | Overtly Aggressive |
| Children from 5-12 years | Children 12+ years |
| Easily Scared | Attention Seeking |
| Attention Seeking | Fighting at school |
| Problems at School | Aggressive towards Siblings |
| Try to Stop the Violence | Try to Stop Violence |
| Faking illness to stay home | Drug/Alcohol abuse |
| Unable to make Friends | Run Away from Home |
| Unable to Keep Friends | Problems at School |
| Depression | Depression |
An important part of normal child development is the growth of moral awareness, acquiring a sense of what is right and wrong and the ability and desire to abide by societies norms. A child who witnesses domestic violence will not always grow up and end up in abusive relationships themselves, however research does indicate that children (and in particular boys) who witness violence in the home are more likely to be abusers, when compared to children who grew up without the presence of spousal violence in the home.
That being said though, it is a common misconception that the children of victims of domestic violence will inevitably grow up to either be a perpetrator or a victim in their own relationship. It is important that we acknowledge the resilience of children. Recent research found that adults who had grown up as children in a home characterised by violence and who were not abusers themselves shared one very important characteristic. They all had a very strong childhood bond with one capable parent, who was themselves a positive role model.
As we have started to explore above, children can be very resilient and in their own ways will develop ways to cope with the abuse within the home. Some older children may try to insert themselves between perpetrator and victim, thus putting themselves at risk. Other children may try to seek help from a neighbour or friend’s parent. Children who display more extreme protective instincts may fake illness so they cannot go to school. This way they believe that they can protect their mother 24 hours a day. Alternatively some children may go the other way, they may run away from home, or spend excessive amounts of time at school or friend’s houses. In this way they have removed themselves from the abusive situation and they may believe that this may be enough to stop the violence. Whilst we may expect that older children are able to forge ways to cope, these types of strategies also occur with younger children. It is not uncommon for younger children to try to distract away from the violence by crying, screaming or even ‘accidentally’ breaking objects.
Other children may try to take on the role of the mother within the house to try to stop the abuse. For example if a woman is beaten because she is told she has failed to keep the house tidy, the child may try to assist the mother with keeping the house tidy. In this way they are doing their best to ‘keep the peace.’ Whilst this strategy is commendable in one respect, a child who displays this type of behaviour is less likely to ask their mother for support and in this way they become what is known as ‘parental children.’
Furthermore, arguments between partners can occur because of childcare. It could be that there are arguments about who is responsible for the child, or arguments because childcare is taking up too much time. Again, children are often aware of the reasons or potential causes of abuse. So the child may try to be ‘perfect.’ The child may try to take up as little time as possible from the parent, try to excel at school and become unnaturally quiet.
While much less common, this is not unheard of. Many studies over the last 2 decades have found cases of the child siding with the abusive partner. So, why would a child do this? Well, there are many reasons put forward to explain this phenomenon. It is possible that by acting violently in a situation that scares the child, he (or she) feels that they can identify with the abuser and therefore feel in control of a situation where otherwise they might have been on the receiving end of the violence. However it could be that the child is acting out against the mother because the child feels that she has failed to protect him (or her.) It is worth reiterating though that a child siding with an abusive partner and actively playing a part in the abuse is rare.
Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) is a psychiatric diagnosis that was first recognised in the 1980’s. PTSD manifests itself after surviving a stressful event or trauma. In the case of children, they can develop PTSD after witnessing domestic violence within the home. Some common symptoms of PTSD in children are:
It can be difficult for children to come to terms with violence between adults in the home. However children may not display the symptoms listed above straightaway. It may be that symptoms come out months or years later. They may appear after the abusive relationship has finished, and as such, it is difficult to trace their behaviour back to witnessing the abuse.
But, not all children will suffer from PTSD after witnessing violence within the home. Many children will adjust to the violence they witnessed and in time will come to terms with the trauma. It is however worth keeping an eye on your children for any of the symptoms listed above. If you believe that your child may be at risk of PTSD then you should consult your doctor as soon as practical.