Myths are common misconceptions about a subject. With regard to domestic violence there are plenty of myths and falsehoods that people often think are true. Domestic violence can potentially be fatal, so ‘myth-busting’ is crucial and could be life saving. The most common myths are featured below.
In no way is this correct. Domestic violence is not limited to people with less education or women on limited finances. Domestic violence knows no limits, it is not bound by wealth or class, race or religion. What may be true is that people from a poorer background are more likely to come to the attention of government agencies and also are more likely to seek help. People from a more ‘middle class’ background are more likely to keep the abuse secret.
It is estimated that 1 in 3 victims of domestic violence have more then one abusive partner in their lifetime however most victims do not seek out or have more then one abusive relationship. Victims of domestic violence who have a childhood history of physical or sexual victimization may be at greater risk of being harmed by multiple partners.
We all know that some perpetrators of domestic violence will have suffered from abuse themselves, but the majority will have not. Many people who have been abused themselves during childhood develop a fear of abuse, and this fear strengthens their resolve not to abuse others when they grow up. Whilst people who have been abused during their life deserve our compassion and empathy, this should not be used as an excuse to abuse others in later life.
Some victims of domestic violence are passive while others are assertive. Some victims actively seek help, while others may refuse assistance. Victims are a diverse group of individuals who possess unique qualities and different life situations. Victims of domestic violence may not always want help and their reasons vary. They may not want to leave the relationship, they may be scared their partners will harm them or their children, or they may be distrustful of support services.
The abused woman may actually believe this myth - but why? The abusive man can use phrases such as “you made me do that” and “you deserved that.” In this way he is transferring all responsibility onto the woman. Whilst the woman may feel responsible, in reality she is not. The abuser can feel justified in his abuse if he can rationalise it and lay the blame at the woman’s door.
There are variations in the rates of domestic violence between people of different races and different counties. However domestic violence is not the ‘norm’ in any modern culture. Within some cultures there are increased instances of forced marriage and female genital mutilation, however this is not the norm. We can point at other races or cultures and spread this myth, but all this serves to do is ignore the very real problem of domestic violence in our own backyard.