One very common feature of a domestic abuser is their tendency to minimise their behaviour. When a person minimises their behaviour they are playing down the role they played in events and their impact on others. A simple example of this would be someone who incorrectly claims benefits when they are not entitled, and when questioned says “everyone else does it, so why not me?”
In the context of domestic violence a perpetrator may say they are unable to remember their actions, or they may say that the victim forced them to be violent. Other examples include men who are controlling with money saying that they have to be because the women cannot be trusted with a credit card. Or men who exert male privilege saying that all their other friends are ‘looked after’ by their partners, so why not them!
Minimisation of any abusive behaviour is wrong. It is designed to shift blame from the perpetrator onto the victim or anybody else around. By minimising an abusive behaviour the perpetrator can in effect rationalise behaviours that are irrational. He in some way feels removed from the behaviour, and this also lays the foundation for a repeat of this behaviour in the future.