So we are aware that there are many different actions that constitute domestic violence. There are many pages on this website that discuss in detail the different types of abuse and its’ effects on victims - but ultimately the abuser has to take responsibility for his actions in order for him to stop the abusive behaviour. So what help and support is out there for abusers who want to change?
There are helplines out there for men who realise that they have a problem and are willing to try to make a change in their life. Take a look at our useful numbers page for the Everyman Project. The Everyman Project is a voluntary, charitable organisation based in London which offers a range of support services for men who want to stop behaving violently or abusively, and for the people affected by their violence or abuse. Click here for a link directly to the Everyman Project.
Counselling can be arranged through organisations such as Relate. Relate can offer not only support to the abuser, but to the victim as well. Voluntarily attending counselling is a big step to take for the abuser, but more importantly, it is a massive step to take in stopping violence within the home. Click here for a link directly to Relate.
It is possible for the courts to force abusers to undertake courses to address their abusive behaviours. These courses are run by the probation service and called ‘programmes’. Different probation areas run different domestic violence programmes however they are all very similar. The most common programme is the Integrated Domestic Abuse Programme (IDAP.) The programme is based on a cognitive – behavioural approach. That means that the programme challenges the underlying thought processes that lead a man to be violent. If these thought processes can be changed, then the abusive behaviour should stop. The programme takes several men at a time and makes them focus on their offences and underlying behaviour in a group setting. The programme is intense and can be very effective, it can take over a year for the programme to be successfully completed. This programme can only be imposed however after a criminal conviction, and not every man will be eligible to take part in a programme. It is common in all cases for the victim to be contacted (if she agrees) by Woman’s Safety Workers from either the police or probation who can help protect the victim from further occurrences of domestic abuse.
It should always be remembered however that all of the above interventions can only help a man stop the abuse. The man has to take responsibility for his actions and ownership of his behaviours. If he is willing to do this then he can change. If he refuses to do this then change is highly unlikely.