The Cycle of Abuse

An abusive relationship will not be abusive at all times. It often follows a 4-phase cycle known at ‘The Cycle of Abuse.’ The abuse can take many forms, but in the context of the model below, physical violence is often party to the abusive episodes.

There is no set timescale for the cycle to be completed, it could take days, weeks, months or longer. The longer that a relationship lasts, the more common it is to find that that the length of the ‘Calm’ phase becomes shorter and shorter, and indeed over time may vanish completely.

Tensions Building Stage

Over time the tensions in a relationship can start to build. Prior to the first ever incident of domestic violence in a relationship tensions may start to build after the abuser feels that the victim is significantly committed to the relationship. Acts that evidence commitment may be moving in together or pregnancy. As greater tensions build within the relationship, the abuser may look to engineer situations that cause conflict.

Incident Stage

The act, or series of acts that constitute the abusive behaviour such as threats, coercion and/or violence. This stage can last for an extended period of time and covers more then just one single incidence of violence.

The Reconciliation Stage

This is often characterised by apologies and statements such as “I love you” and “I would never really hurt you.” It is often in this stage that the woman is convinced to stay in the relationship. She will often hope that this is how the relationship will always be. The abuser may make grand gestures such as buying flowers, taking the woman out for meals or doing a higher then usual amount of household duties. In this stage the man makes every effort to make the woman feel as cherished and loved as possible. It is important to realise however that this behaviour is all part of the abuse and is designed to make the woman feel compelled to stay in the relationship thus optimising the opportunities for abuse in the future.

The ‘Calm’ Stage

No violence or direct abuse is occurring and the woman may believe that the abuser has actually changed. The length of the ‘Calm’ period may be reliant on external factors such as unemployment or financial pressures. Regardless of the length of the ‘Calm’ stage, unless the abuser seeks help, the authorities become involved or the relationship is terminated, it is likely that tensions will start to build again and the cycle will repeat itself.